


Belonging

by Niki



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Backstory, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 20:59:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6626083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niki/pseuds/Niki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>There are no friendships on Jakku, no sense of belonging or community.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Belonging

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flipflop_diva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/gifts).



> Some details from the Greg Rucka novel Before the Awakening.

Rey doesn't remember a time before, only after. There's only the endless sand of Jakku, the endless work, the endless struggle for survival.

No one can survive doing nothing, not even a child. At first she cleaned parts others scavenged in the desert, the vast graveyard of ships they all got their living from. There was no one to take responsibility for her as such, but many gave her parts to clean, and shared their portions when she helped them. It wasn't out of kindness. Her nimble little fingers made sure they got more for their finds, so she had many offers. And soon she was fixing and not just cleaning, learning how to make more out of the finds, combining parts into a functioning whole.

No one taught her especially, but she was an attentive little thing, having already learnt that listening and learning was a way forward, the only way to make sure she'd keep eating when she wasn't small and cute anymore. 

There were a lot of different voices around her, a lot of languages. She got by with Basic and soon her ear made sense of almost everything she heard. She never thought about it, for her it was normal – when she interacted with someone, she could pick up their language. 

It was useful, because when she knew their language, she could learn even more, from everyone. Not just the everyday things of metal and mechanics, but of other things of interest. She loved learning about history, about the battles that had left behind the massive ships scarring the desert. She loved hearing about other places, ever trying to find out if anything would sound familiar, if anything would sound like home.

Then some of them started taking her with them to the desert – her small agile form was an advantage here as well, as she could reach parts of the wrecks most grown ups couldn't. She learnt how to find the best parts, how far to go, how to survive in the wild. And from the first, she learnt how to fight because others, stronger and bigger, would take her finds if she couldn't stand up to them.

And soon she learnt to be alone, because no one really cared about anyone but themselves on Jakku. No one helped anyone without a reason, no one shared anything for free. She vowed to be different. She remembered the portions she had eaten as a child, scraps from someone else's table, charity, even if earned the hard way. 

She can't afford to be much different, but at least she never steals anyone else's finds, doesn't follow them to find their secret stashes, doesn't use her staff and skills to bully them into giving her their best finds as some always do. 

If she was more ruthless, she would eat better – maybe even make enough to buy a perch on one of the ships always leaving. 

But she can't leave. Someone left her on Jakku. If she leaves, how can they find her again?

*

There are no friendships on Jakku, no sense of belonging or community. Those who can, leave, those who can't, resent it. 

Rey doesn't mind being alone. She is not like them, not really. She's staying by choice. She could make her way to the cities, find ways to earn credits and not just portions. Maybe get hired by a ship – she could crew anything that she's seen make a stop there, from Unkar's piece of garbage to re-purposed war machines. 

But she's staying until they come for her. That's her purpose, that's her goal. Everyone needs one of those to survive. 

BB-8 is not the first droid she's saved from being salvaged for parts but it's the first for a long time that gets under her guard. At first it's just an antenna, then a place for a night, soon enough she's refusing Unkar's offer of more portions than she has ever seen at once because... because BB-8 is a person to her now, not just a sum of its parts.

And soon after the little white and orange droid there's Finn, and suddenly she dreams bigger. The Resistance, _space_... the living legend Han Solo, and for a glorious moment everyone in that old freighter feels like a family she's never had – Finn, Han Solo, BB-8, and Chewbacca, whose shyriiwook she had no trouble following, even though she doesn't know why. Ss far as she can remember, she hasn't met a Wookiee before in her life. 

It comes crashing down fast. She has a family already – and they will come back for her. She must return to Jakku. Maybe it's her imagination but she thinks she sees her regret echoed on Han Solo's face when she has to refuse his offer.

She _has_ to go back – BB-8 is safe now, and with Finn, on their way to the Resistance base. Han will get them there. She's not needed. She's been gone too long already, her things have most likely been looted by now, her little home, her jury-rigged flight simulator, her hidden stash of water, her blankets and every little object she's kept to make the space seem hers. 

But she can start again. The hull of the walker is bound to still be there – it had been been stripped of anything useful long time before she claimed it for her own. And with the walker, her wall of tally marks would still be there, the visual proof of her long wait.

Finn's betrayal makes the decision to leave even easier. For a moment he makes her regret letting someone else in after all this time – he seems to reinforce everything she has learnt and just forgot for a moment – there are no friendships on Jakku. Everyone is after something. 

Finn was after an escape, and she was just the means of it. 

Thing is, she would have forgiven him for using her for redemption. She will forgive him this, too, in the end. He gave her that sense of belonging, if only for a while, and after all those years on the Niima Outpost, she can understand needing to get out. 

She just wishes he'd been honest about it. 

*

They came back for her. Her family came back for her. 

Finn and Han Solo and Chewbacca came to find her after she was taken from them, risked their lives and liberty to reach her. Han, whom Kylo Ren had so rightly identified as a father figure for her. Finn, who could be so much, a brother, a friend, anything.

And at that moment her wait is over – she doesn't need to return to Jakku to be discovered. She found her family there already.


End file.
